“If it is the Lord’s will…”

By Kristi Bothur © 2013

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is sin for them. James 4:13-17 (NIV)

How often have you heard someone pray, "Lord, if it is your will, please..." and then follow it with a request for healing, or financial help, or reconciliation, or some other blessing? Teaching about prayer often reminds us to submit our will to God's, with Jesus' prayer in the garden of Gethsemane as the prime example of laying one's will down in favor of whatever God's plan is.

But the phrase "if it is the Lord’s will" in James is not about prayer. It is about planning. It's about making plans for the next year without considering some important truths.

The first truth is that tomorrow is uncertain. The daily news reminds us of this every day. Tragedies are never expected or planned for, and they always interrupt life, leaving schedules, goals, and desires unfulfilled.

The second truth is that we are vulnerable. James describes us as a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Like fog in the early morning that is quickly dismissed in the light and warmth of the sun. No substance to it.

And third, that God is sovereign and his plans trump ours, no matter what. And His plans do not always fulfill our desire to "carry on business and make money" or rake in any of the other earthly blessings that are at the top of our prayer lists. Refusing to recognize that is pure arrogance.

This is something that makes me stop and think as I consider the year ahead. As I look back at last year, I see a lot of good things that happened - the birth of our son, special times with family and friends, the growth of ministry opportunities through Naomi's Circle and our church, new friendships beginning. I also see a lot of failures - promises I didn't keep, goals I didn't meet, and much in my life that remains, sadly, unchanged, in spite of my intentions and plans. I want to change that. When it gets here, I want to enter 2014 with the satisfaction that 2013 was a "success." I want, I want...but what does God want?

James tells us plainly. First, God wants us to submit any and all plans and desires to Him. James doesn't tell us not to make plans, but to make them always with the recognition that God has both the right and the power to determine the direction of our lives. Sometimes that means filling our lives and days with the obvious physical blessings of this world. And yes, sometimes that means allowing the hidden blessings that come with loss or illness or other kinds of hardship.

The other thing James tells us is fairly simple - to do the good that we know we ought to do. I wonder sometimes how much time I would save worrying about what God wants me to do, if I would just do the things I know I should? And where do I find that out? From God's Word. The Scriptures contain all I need to know about the good I ought to do, no matter what my circumstances are.

This new year, I encourage you to follow James' advice. Make your plans for 2013 with a humility that says, "If God allows me to, these are my plans, but if He has something else in mind, so be it. And no matter what, I will put God's Word into practice in my life and fill my days doing the good I ought to do in whatever circumstances I find myself."

Praying that 2013 is an excellent year for YOU as you follow Jesus in all you do!

Father, help me to submit my plans to you this new year, and help me to do the good that I ought to do. Make my 2013 what you want it to be. Amen.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Kristi Bothur is a pastor's wife, teacher, and mother of five - two on earth and three in heaven. She has a heart for other women who have experienced the loss of children during pregnancy or in early infancy, and she has a passion for sharing the truth of God's word in a way that makes sense in everyday life. She and her husband are the founders of "Naomi's Circle", a ministry for parents of babies in heaven (www.naomiscircle.weebly.com). You are welcome to contact her at naomiscircle@gmail.com. Kristi lives in Columbia, South Carolina, with her husband, daughter, and son.

“Fear Not!”

By Kristi Bothur © 2012

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10


As I write this, I am anticipating a medical test that is scheduled within the next week. Nearly four years ago, I had a cancer scare that turned my life upside down. This Christmas marks my three-year anniversary of my final all-clear when I felt like life could get back to normal. Twice-yearly follow-up visits always confirmed that everything was fine, and since then, I have even been pregnant and given birth to a healthy baby boy. Life has been normal and wonderful.

But my last oncology appointment revealed a possible problem – a painful spot where there was no pain before. Hence the scheduled test, to make sure it is nothing to worry about.

My doctor is not worried, reassuring me that in all likelihood it is nothing. But in a moment, I was catapulted back into the uncertainties and fears of three years ago, wondering if this test will, again, turn my world upside down.

And with Christmas upon us, I am again reminded of one of the most repeated phrases in the Christmas story, “Do not be afraid.” Each of the main characters was told this – Mary, Joseph, Zechariah, the shepherds. But the command to not fear was not followed by what I would love to hear right now, a reassurance that “everything will be all right.” Instead, they are told not to fear because the Creator God was intimately involved with their situation, and He could be trusted. The prophet Isaiah recorded something similar in his command to Israel, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

My four-year-old daughter had a bad dream a couple of weeks ago. As I held her close and tried to calm her fears, the phrase I kept uttering was, “Don’t worry, Mama’s here.” No reassurances that the substance of her dream wasn’t real or that everything would look better in the morning. What she needed to know was that I had her and I wouldn’t leave her. In the same way, God tells us not to fear because He is with us. We know His presence and we know His character, that He can be trusted. And what does He promise to do? Not always to rescue us from our circumstances the way we would prefer, but to strengthen us, help us, and uphold us. We are not just a victim of circumstances, but children of the sovereign God whose plans are always for our ultimate good and His glory.

As I await my test and the news to follow, this is what I am focusing on. I need not fear because whatever the results, God is with me. He is already there, as intimately involved in my life circumstances as He was in the events leading up to the first Christmas. He promises to be with me, to strengthen me, to help me, to uphold me – not because of my righteousness, but because of His. I pray that whatever circumstances you find yourself in today, you also will be able to “fear not” this Christmas season, and to trust God to carry you through.

Father, I confess that I often fear what the future holds. Help me to trust in your love and your presence to carry me through. Amen.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Kristi Bothur is a pastor's wife, teacher, and mother of five - two on earth and three in heaven. She has a heart for other women who have experienced the loss of children during pregnancy or in early infancy, and she has a passion for sharing the truth of God's word in a way that makes sense in everyday life. She and her husband are the founders of "Naomi's Circle", a ministry for parents of babies in heaven (www.naomiscircle.weebly.com). You are welcome to contact her at naomiscircle@gmail.com. Kristi lives in Columbia, South Carolina, with her husband, daughter, and son.

The Sacrifice of Praise

by Kristi Bothur © 2012

"Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise - the fruit of lips that confess his name." Hebrews 13:15

I learned this verse a long time ago and sang about it eagerly during worship times in college. I wondered sometimes about the phrase "sacrifice of praise" and assumed that being believers in Jesus, it was because we no longer need to make sacrificial offerings, but can simply give our praises to God.

It wasn't until several years ago, walking the road of the loss of our unborn daughter, that I began seeing that Bible verse in a different light. I saw how the very act of praise can be, not just a substitute for the Old Testament sacrifices, but an actual sacrifice itself.

Praising God is a sacrifice when it's the last thing you want to do because you're hurting from something that God could have prevented, but didn't.

Praise is a sacrifice when you are angry with God for allowing a painful trial in the life of a loved one.

Praise is a sacrifice when you are afraid to trust God with your future because of what happened in the past.

Praise is a sacrifice when tears are near the surface and joy feels hypocritical.

Praise is a sacrifice when we choose to trust God even when we don't understand Him.

Praise is a sacrifice when we do it because of what we know to be true about God - that He is good, and strong, and loving - in spite of our circumstances.

Praise is a sacrifice when our feelings - which are legitimate and honest and understandable and normal and human - do not dictate our worship.

Praise is a sacrifice when Jesus asks us, as he did His disciples, "You do not want to leave, too, do you?", and we answer, even through tears, as Peter did: "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that You are the Holy One of God" (Luke 6:67-69).

Praise is a sacrifice because it requires us to lay down our lives along with our feelings and desires and "rights" in order to sing out the praises of the One who laid His life down for us.

Are you unsure of your footing with God right now because of the circumstances of your life? Are you having a hard time as you approach this season of Thanksgiving? Tell Him that. Pour out your heart to Him. Then offer Him a sacrifice of praise in the midst of your uncertainty, speaking to yourself and others about His goodness and love.

Father, I don't feel like praising you right now. The songs we sing in church feel fake and hypocritical. Please help me. Show me what is true and unchanging about you and help me worship and praise you because of who you are in spite of my circumstances. I believe, Jesus. But help my unbelief. Amen.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Kristi Bothur is a pastor's wife, teacher, and mother of five - two on earth and three in heaven. She has a heart for other women who have experienced the loss of children during pregnancy or in early infancy, and she has a passion for sharing the truth of God's word in a way that makes sense in everyday life. She and her husband are the founders of "Naomi's Circle", a ministry for parents of babies in heaven (www.naomiscircle.weebly.com). You are welcome to contact her at naomiscircle@gmail.com. Kristi lives in Columbia, South Carolina, with her husband, daughter, and son.

Hope in the Lord

By Kristi Bothur © 2012

“Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.” Psalm 130:7, NIV

I will always remember the phone call I got at work that day. It was my husband, and his tone was more serious than normal. He was calling with bad news. Someone close to me had died – from suicide. I was shocked – I never would have imagined this person choosing to end it all. Why? We learned more in the days that followed, and when we had sifted through all of the details, one fact remained. His circumstances had gotten to the point where he didn’t believe they would change, and he couldn’t imagine life going on “as is.” He had lost hope.

It has been said that humans can live for about 40 days without food, about three days without water, and about eight minutes without air – but not even a second without hope. While I’m not sure about the technical truth of that sentiment, it does express the vital importance of hope in our lives.

Hope. We hear the word so often that

"Different"

By Kristi Bothur © 2012

"Live with your wives in an understanding way..." 1 Peter 3:7 (NASB)

Boys and girls are different.

Such a basic fact of life, but so easy to forget, especially when we are in a crisis situation and expect those around us not only to understand how we feel, but also to feel the same way. And yet, there is nothing like a crisis to highlight those differences in how we react to stress and life's challenges.

When my husband and I went through a season of loss and illness several years ago, the best advice I got was from a bereavement counselor who told me, "Men and women grieve differently, and that's okay. You need to let each other deal with this in your own way." "This" was the loss of our baby girl in my second trimester of pregnancy, and my way of dealing with it was to cry, to read, to write, and to talk - a lot. Words help me to analyze and make sense of things that don't make sense.

My husband's way was different. He would