Abused Husbands - 5 Keys to Healing For Battered Men and Abusive Wives

By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Abused men frequently recoil from looking at their circumstances because they assume doing so will result in leaving their abusive partner. And what they'd prefer to happen is for there to be real lasting changes in their relationship that ultimately save their marriage.

While it is true that most people will jump to the conclusion that, if you're with an abuser, leaving is your only option. The fact of the matter is that people can change and relationships are dynamic.
Here are some important things to consider if you truly want to salvage your marriage and keep your family together.

1) Get yourself some professional help to assist you in your own self-discovery. There is so much that you can do to prevent the maintenance of the cycle of domestic abuse. However, beware; you will not want to proceed expecting that it is your job or your responsibility to "fix" an abusive relationship.

2) The ultimate "fix" can only happen through the personal work of the batterer and must involve complete awareness and authentic ownership, accountability and responsibility for their battering behavior.

3) You and your partner must establish a "no violence" agreement that you both adhere to in all interactions with one another. This will require that your partner does not resort to verbal, emotional, physical or sexual violence under any circumstances-whatsoever.

4) The active decision to choose other ways to resolve conflict and the cultivation of these skills are critical to the success of any intervention. Core to this behavioral transformation is the ability to access and recognize one's emotions, express one's feelings and articulate one's needs in a proactive, responsible and respectful manner.

5) Celebrating a relationship climate based on mutual respect, honoring and the utilization of behavioral strategies to resolve conflict harmoniously will serve to solidify a new way of being with one another.

In the same way that one learns to use battering to establish an unequal distribution of power in the relationship, so can one learn relationship-enhancing skills and productive communication-interaction habits. Moreover, as your partner practices these skills with you and benefits from doing so, the need for outer control to experience personal value in the relationship is replaced with inner control. Ultimately, inner control becomes the source for maintaining internal potency and interpersonal satisfaction.

If you are in an abusive relationship and wish to interrupt the cycle of abuse in your home, seek individual professional help in domestic violence intervention for both you and your partner. And remember that change for each of you is always an inside job.

For more information on help for abused men, visit http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/abused_men.php and claim your Free Instant Access to survivor success eInsights. Dr Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps battered men and women recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D.
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