The day I drove to my husband’s arraignment for sexual abuse against my daughter (his step-daughter), my situation began to sink in. It was mortifying to see him in that felony orange jumpsuit. A waking nightmare had descended upon our lives.
Like any parent, God wants the best for us, but our finite minds struggle to understand how a crisis could possibly be good. Denial is refusal to acknowledge there is a battle raging, so consequently you also are not fighting the battle spiritually, mentally or emotionally. Acceptance of a situation isn’t giving up; it’s choosing to enter the ring and fight.
In acceptance, our first step is to trust God. “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” (Romans 8:28, NLT).
Next, tap into God’s grace. “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9, NLT). Author and speaker Joyce Meyer explains grace this way: “Grace is the power of God available to meet our needs without any cost to us. It is received by believing, rather than through human effort” (from If Not for the Grace of God by Joyce Meyer). To receive God’s power, simply ask for him to provide it. “You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father” (John 14:13, NLT).
As you accept your situation, here are some practical suggestions to help.
• Enlist prayer partners who will support you regularly in prayer.
• When you’re preparing dinner, fix double and freeze half. On those days when you don’t have the energy to cook, you’ll have meals in the freezer you can pull out and use.
• Laugh. There are physically healing benefits in laughter. (See the post dated 1/8.)
• Ask for help from your support network (family, friends who are willing to help)—babysitting, cleaning, laundry, cooking meals, whatever you need.
• Find a support group (online or otherwise) you can attend. Others have dealt with what you are dealing with right now and can help.
• Take care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally. Stress compromises your immune system making you more susceptible to illness.
• Get at least 8 hours of sleep every night; rest allows your body to reenergize.
Our God is an awesome God. ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE for him to do. He will give you the strength and guidance you need.
Debra L. Butterfield © 2010
God Cares!
Last Monday I pointed out that God greatly desired to adopt us. Today I’d like to take that a step further. Just as it was God’s desire to adopt us, he also desires to care for us. How can I say that? The Bible tells me so in Isaiah 46:3-4. “Listen to me, descendants of Jacob, all you who remain in Israel, I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born. I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.”
Remember we are adopted into God’s family, Israel, so these verses apply to us. God is active in the lives of his creation, not detached and uncaring. These verses tell me he created me and will care for me throughout my lifetime. I revel in the verbs “carried” and “carry” used here. As a mother I can identify with this terminology. I carried each of my children for 9 months before I gave birth to them. I marvel that God carried me in some intimate fashion as well. As a parent, I continued to carry my child until he could walk. But God carries us our entire lifetime! He does this because he loves us—with a greater love than we can fathom.
“How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!” (Psalm 139:17-18, NLT).
Debra L. Butterfield ©2010
Remember we are adopted into God’s family, Israel, so these verses apply to us. God is active in the lives of his creation, not detached and uncaring. These verses tell me he created me and will care for me throughout my lifetime. I revel in the verbs “carried” and “carry” used here. As a mother I can identify with this terminology. I carried each of my children for 9 months before I gave birth to them. I marvel that God carried me in some intimate fashion as well. As a parent, I continued to carry my child until he could walk. But God carries us our entire lifetime! He does this because he loves us—with a greater love than we can fathom.
“How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!” (Psalm 139:17-18, NLT).
Debra L. Butterfield ©2010
Old-Fashioned Fun
“A cheerful heart is good medicine” (Proverbs 17:22). Yes, laughter is medicine, and it doesn’t taste nasty going down either. Here are just a few of the benefits of laughter:
• Releases endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals, into the body
• Relaxes the body
• Boosts the immune system
• Improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow.
Are you suffering with cabin fever? Snowstorms and arctic air present a wonderful opportunity for you and your family to spend time together having fun. Take a step back in time this weekend. Turn the cell phones off for a few hours, unplug the TV and game systems and enjoy some old-fashioned fun. Here are some suggestions.
• Play board games (My sons always beat me at Monopoly.)
• Learn a new card game like hearts, pinochle, spades, Liverpool rummy. Visit BicycleCards.com for ideas and rules.
• Put together a 500-1000 piece puzzle
• Play hide and seek (Hide and seek in the dark always appealed to my teenagers.)
• Read a book out loud
• Make and bake cookies together
• Make turtle pancakes for dinner instead of breakfast.
For those who want to brave the outdoors:
• Play Fox and Goose (a wintertime version of tag that is a family favorite). Feel free to vary the shape of your play area! We wound our paths all through the back and front yards.
• Go sledding
• Ice skate
• Have a snowball fight
• Build a snowman
Most of all, just have fun no matter what you do.
Photo used with permission VanHookFamily.com. Debra L. Butterfield ©2010
• Releases endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals, into the body
• Relaxes the body
• Boosts the immune system
• Improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow.
• Play board games (My sons always beat me at Monopoly.)
• Learn a new card game like hearts, pinochle, spades, Liverpool rummy. Visit BicycleCards.com for ideas and rules.
• Put together a 500-1000 piece puzzle
• Play hide and seek (Hide and seek in the dark always appealed to my teenagers.)
• Read a book out loud
• Make and bake cookies together
• Make turtle pancakes for dinner instead of breakfast.
For those who want to brave the outdoors:
• Play Fox and Goose (a wintertime version of tag that is a family favorite). Feel free to vary the shape of your play area! We wound our paths all through the back and front yards.
• Go sledding
• Ice skate
• Have a snowball fight
• Build a snowman
Most of all, just have fun no matter what you do.
Photo used with permission VanHookFamily.com. Debra L. Butterfield ©2010
Slow Parenting
Have you fallen victim to the tyranny of perfect? Perfect body, perfect home, perfect car, perfect clothes, perfect children? There is no doubt our society strives for perfect. But perfect is impossible. Besides, just who determines what perfect is?
This desire for perfection pressures parents and children. Both parents work; the children go to school; after school, weeknights and weekends the children are involved in extracurricular activities to the point they have no playtime and the family has no time to rest. In between it all, the kids still have to keep those grades up and be an academic success too. According to johntesh.com, in the last 30 years, homework has doubled, and playtime has dropped by 25%. But studies have shown that playtime builds leadership and social skills as well as reduces anxiety and depression in children. Playtime is important. Enter the slow-parenting movement.
Carl Honoré did not coin the phrase “slow parenting” but his books are a driving force behind the movement. Honoré is the author of The Power of Slow: Finding Balance and Fulfillment Beyond the Cult of Speed, and, more recently, Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting. He says, “Slow parents give their children plenty of time and space to explore the world on their own terms. They keep the family schedule under control so that everyone has enough downtime to rest, reflect and just hang out together.” Slow parenting isn’t about sitting around doing nothing; it’s about balance, quality versus quantity.
Steps to Slow Down
• Examine your family’s schedule as it now exists. How many extracurricular activities are each of your children involved in? As a single parent, I made the decision that one extracurricular activity per child (I have 3) was plenty and still allowed both me and them to have down time between work and school. Cut back if needed, and allow the kids to help in the decision process.
• Examine your expectations for your child. Are they realistic? Are you constantly pushing them academically, socially and athletically? Remember, balance is the goal.
• Re-examine your life priorities. Does your daily schedule promote them? One of my priorities is growing in my relationship with God. Yet, there was a time when my day was so filled with activity I didn’t have time to pray or read the Bible.
• How often do your children complain about going to those extracurricular activities? This may be a sign they are doing too much.
Cutting back activities may be difficult at first, but the added time for family togetherness and rest will soon bring relief. Setting aside the tyranny of perfect will take a real weight off your shoulders.
For more information on slow-parenting, start here: "What Is Slow Parenting?"
Debra L. Butterfield ©2010
This desire for perfection pressures parents and children. Both parents work; the children go to school; after school, weeknights and weekends the children are involved in extracurricular activities to the point they have no playtime and the family has no time to rest. In between it all, the kids still have to keep those grades up and be an academic success too. According to johntesh.com, in the last 30 years, homework has doubled, and playtime has dropped by 25%. But studies have shown that playtime builds leadership and social skills as well as reduces anxiety and depression in children. Playtime is important. Enter the slow-parenting movement.
Carl Honoré did not coin the phrase “slow parenting” but his books are a driving force behind the movement. Honoré is the author of The Power of Slow: Finding Balance and Fulfillment Beyond the Cult of Speed, and, more recently, Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting. He says, “Slow parents give their children plenty of time and space to explore the world on their own terms. They keep the family schedule under control so that everyone has enough downtime to rest, reflect and just hang out together.” Slow parenting isn’t about sitting around doing nothing; it’s about balance, quality versus quantity.
Steps to Slow Down
• Examine your family’s schedule as it now exists. How many extracurricular activities are each of your children involved in? As a single parent, I made the decision that one extracurricular activity per child (I have 3) was plenty and still allowed both me and them to have down time between work and school. Cut back if needed, and allow the kids to help in the decision process.
• Examine your expectations for your child. Are they realistic? Are you constantly pushing them academically, socially and athletically? Remember, balance is the goal.
• Re-examine your life priorities. Does your daily schedule promote them? One of my priorities is growing in my relationship with God. Yet, there was a time when my day was so filled with activity I didn’t have time to pray or read the Bible.
• How often do your children complain about going to those extracurricular activities? This may be a sign they are doing too much.
Cutting back activities may be difficult at first, but the added time for family togetherness and rest will soon bring relief. Setting aside the tyranny of perfect will take a real weight off your shoulders.
For more information on slow-parenting, start here: "What Is Slow Parenting?"
Debra L. Butterfield ©2010
The Basics Part 1--Beleive
Wednesday is “Feed Your Faith, Starve Your Fears” day. I think the best place to start is with the basics.
I believe God intended for faith to be simple. If getting saved was complicated God would be running the risk that many would be lost because they couldn’t find the way. He desires that all his creation be saved (1 Timothy 2:4).So he’s straightforward in what he says, and he gives us signposts. “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16, NLT). “Jesus told him, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No can come to the Father except through me” (John 14:6, NLT).
Belief comes first. Like many things in life, belief in the God of the Bible is a choice. I can’t remember a time when I did not believe in God. For others, belief is more difficult. One can study the religious texts of the world and sit at the feet of religious scholars and be taught, but one’s belief still comes down to choice. God helps us every way he can. He gave us the Bible to help us come to know and believe in him. If someone asked me why I believe in God, I would answer, “Because he has proven himself to me through my life experiences. He does what the Bible says he’ll do.”
I’m no theologian, but I am happy to answer any questions you may have. If I don’t know, I’ll do my best to find someone who does. Debra L. Butterfield ©2010
I believe God intended for faith to be simple. If getting saved was complicated God would be running the risk that many would be lost because they couldn’t find the way. He desires that all his creation be saved (1 Timothy 2:4).So he’s straightforward in what he says, and he gives us signposts. “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16, NLT). “Jesus told him, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No can come to the Father except through me” (John 14:6, NLT).
Belief comes first. Like many things in life, belief in the God of the Bible is a choice. I can’t remember a time when I did not believe in God. For others, belief is more difficult. One can study the religious texts of the world and sit at the feet of religious scholars and be taught, but one’s belief still comes down to choice. God helps us every way he can. He gave us the Bible to help us come to know and believe in him. If someone asked me why I believe in God, I would answer, “Because he has proven himself to me through my life experiences. He does what the Bible says he’ll do.”
I’m no theologian, but I am happy to answer any questions you may have. If I don’t know, I’ll do my best to find someone who does. Debra L. Butterfield ©2010
Denial
Webster’s unabridged dictionary defines denial as “an assertion that something said, believed, alleged, etc. is false.” At minddisorders.com denial is defined as “the refusal to acknowledge the existence or severity of unpleasant external realities or internal thoughts and feelings.” For example: An alcoholic can deny she has a drinking problem when in reality her drinking has impacted both her marriage and work in negative ways.
When traumatic events occur in our lives, denial may initially take place. This initial denial helps protect us from the emotional shock of the event. But it is essential for one’s mental, physical and emotional well-being to move past denial and on to acceptance.
Physical or sexual abuse, addictions, death, natural disasters, chronic illness, adultery, pornography—denial in any of these areas will cripple you.
Make an honest examination of your life.
Seek the truth.
Get professional help if needed.
Prayer: Heavenly Father, your Word says “there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light” (Mark 4:22). Reveal the truth to me and give me the strength to accept it. “Oh, send out your light and your truth! Let them lead me” (Psalm 43:3).
For further reading on how to help those who are addicted read “Understanding Addiction and How We Can Help” (http://debralbutterfield.com/ezine/archive/Nov-Dec09/index_files/UnderstandingAddiction.htm) Debra L. Butterfield ©2010
When traumatic events occur in our lives, denial may initially take place. This initial denial helps protect us from the emotional shock of the event. But it is essential for one’s mental, physical and emotional well-being to move past denial and on to acceptance.
Physical or sexual abuse, addictions, death, natural disasters, chronic illness, adultery, pornography—denial in any of these areas will cripple you.
Make an honest examination of your life.
Seek the truth.
Get professional help if needed.
Prayer: Heavenly Father, your Word says “there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light” (Mark 4:22). Reveal the truth to me and give me the strength to accept it. “Oh, send out your light and your truth! Let them lead me” (Psalm 43:3).
For further reading on how to help those who are addicted read “Understanding Addiction and How We Can Help” (http://debralbutterfield.com/ezine/archive/Nov-Dec09/index_files/UnderstandingAddiction.htm) Debra L. Butterfield ©2010
Skinned Knees
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed” (Psalm 34:18, NLT).
When your child falls and skins a knee, she runs to you and says, “Mommie, make it better.” Our parents are a part of our support network all our lives. A support network is simply people who provide emotional and practical help in difficult circumstances.
I love the story of Moses and the battle with Amalek in Exodus 17:9-13. As long as Moses held his hands up to God, Joshua was winning. But Moses’ hands got tired and he dropped them, and Joshua began to lose. So Aaron and Hur got a rock for Moses to sit on, and each stood on either side and held Moses’ arms up for him. And at the end of the day Joshua had won the battle. This is a wonderful illustration of supporting family and friends through the heavy burdens of life.
Let me put it in more relatable terms. Six pallbearers carry a casket from the hearse to the grave because it is a physical burden too large for one man. The weight of grief one experiences when a loved one dies is an emotional burden too heavy to bear alone. Having loved ones or a loss support group to share the burden of our grief will help us bear the loss.
The most important, though often overlooked, member of our support group is God. “God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure” (Ephesians 1:5, NLT). Wow, it gave him great pleasure to adopt me (and you)! Meditate on that fact and let it encourage you. God is my heavenly father and when I skin my knees I can run to him for help. You can too.
To get a better picture of how God supports us read "Footprints in the Sand."
Debra L. Butterfield ©2010
When your child falls and skins a knee, she runs to you and says, “Mommie, make it better.” Our parents are a part of our support network all our lives. A support network is simply people who provide emotional and practical help in difficult circumstances.
I love the story of Moses and the battle with Amalek in Exodus 17:9-13. As long as Moses held his hands up to God, Joshua was winning. But Moses’ hands got tired and he dropped them, and Joshua began to lose. So Aaron and Hur got a rock for Moses to sit on, and each stood on either side and held Moses’ arms up for him. And at the end of the day Joshua had won the battle. This is a wonderful illustration of supporting family and friends through the heavy burdens of life.
Let me put it in more relatable terms. Six pallbearers carry a casket from the hearse to the grave because it is a physical burden too large for one man. The weight of grief one experiences when a loved one dies is an emotional burden too heavy to bear alone. Having loved ones or a loss support group to share the burden of our grief will help us bear the loss.
The most important, though often overlooked, member of our support group is God. “God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure” (Ephesians 1:5, NLT). Wow, it gave him great pleasure to adopt me (and you)! Meditate on that fact and let it encourage you. God is my heavenly father and when I skin my knees I can run to him for help. You can too.
To get a better picture of how God supports us read "Footprints in the Sand."
Debra L. Butterfield ©2010
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