By Sydney Chhabra © 2012
What is this term “codependency” we often hear about? Webster's
dictionary defines codependency as an “excessive emotional or psychological
reliance on a partner, typically one with an illness or addiction.” Over time,
however, this definition has expanded to include relationships that may or may
not involve addiction or illness. In essence, if you are so absorbed in others
(a spouse, lover, boyfriend/girlfriend, anybody other than yourself) that you
ignore your own needs and desires and live instead only in reaction to the
other person's behavior, you are most likely codependent.
Let's look at some key characteristics of codependency. Do these
sound like you?
Characteristics of Codependency:
1-Being Drawn to an Emotionally Unavailable Person: Codependents
typically get involved in relationships with people who are unreliable,
emotionally unavailable, or needy. Do you find yourself being attracted to
partners who are married or in a relationship with a significant other? Do you
find people who are kind, stable and reliable to be boring and unappealing? Do
you try even harder to please a partner who is cold or rejecting towards you?
2- Care-taking: Codependents feel responsible for the actions, feelings,
choices, and well-being of others. They try to anticipate everyone's needs and
wonder why others don't do the same for them. While focused on helping others,
they ignore their own needs and desires. Codependents help others in order to
feel important and valuable in their relationships. They tend to believe that
they are somehow more capable than the other who needs their direction or
assistance and often blame themselves for anything that goes wrong.
3-Low Self Esteem: Codependents often feel empty and incomplete
outside of relationships. Deep down inside they believe they do not deserve the
love they seek and believe that they must work to earn the right to be happy.
They are typically drawn to people with problems that need “fixing” to avoid
focusing on themselves.
4-Seeking Love and Approval: Codependents long for love and
approval from the other. They stay in relationships that don't work and
tolerate mistreatment because they are terrified of abandonment. Nothing is too
much trouble, takes too much time or is too expensive if it will help keep the
person with whom they are involved. They often have difficulty saying “no” to
any request made of them.
5-Addictive Behaviors: Codependents may be predisposed
emotionally and biologically to becoming addicted to drugs, alcohol, and/or
certain foods (especially sugary ones) in an attempt to cope with the pain and
frustration of relationships. They often dream of how relationships could be
rather than how they actually are. In a sense, codependents become addicted to
emotional pain and to unhealthy relationships, while desperately hoping to gain
love and security.
Can you recognize the characteristics described above in
yourself? Are you desiring change? Remember, before you can begin to transform
your behavior, it is important to identify your patterns over time and across
relationships. You can then set goals to focus on self-development by learning
new ways to nurture both your emotional and physical well-being. With each step
and practice, you will start to end destructive relationships and become
comfortable with being around more loving and supportive others. This
step-by-step process is difficult to complete in isolation. Seek out a 12-Step
program or work with a mental health professional, coach, or mentor to assist
you through this gradual process of change.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sydney_Chhabra
Thanks for posting this! I'm trying to find information on psychological assessment, intervention and counselling for children, adolescents and adults and this has definitely helped me in this process.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you found it helpful. Speaking from experience, many people do not realize they are codependent. It is not a term/condition that gets as much recognition as the issue/addiction it supports.
ReplyDelete