Victim or Victor?

Like the drop of a guillotine blade, my husband’s crime of sexual abuse severed my daughter’s innocence, my dreams of a happy family and our marriage. It took me several years before I finally admitted to myself what my husband’s crime had cost us all. I also felt no one else realized the toll either. My own selfishness demanded I receive sympathy. After all, I was the one left to clean up the mess; I was a victim too. That was wrong thinking, but it was how I felt. I was hanging on to a victim mentality.

The victim mentality is pervasive in today’s society. We want to find someone or something to blame for every little thing that goes wrong in our lives. The victim mentality robs you of complete healing because it releases you from your responsibilities to make things better again. As long as you remain a victim, there will always be someone else to blame for your failure to heal. As long as you remain a victim, there will always be a part of you living in the past, feeling wounded and depressed.

Take Action:

• Choose to be a victor
• Make a written list of your losses and allow yourself to grieve them. When you’re ready, rip up the list and throw it away. As you do, say out loud “This is past, I am free of it and I am healed.”
• Put an end to pity parties
• Forgive the person who hurt you
• Create affirmations and read them out loud daily. For example: I am more than a conqueror through Christ who loves me (Romans 8:37). I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). I am getting better and better every day.
• Seek professional help if needed

Debra L. Butterfield © 2010