Christian Men Are Not Victims of Sexual Abuse

By Thomas Edward

In the Christian community men surviving sexual abuse issues are often ignored. It's not a cold calculating intentional disregard, but negligence. Negligence steeped in the fear and discomfort of dealing with an uncomfortable subject matter. If you think it's not true, attempt to publish your work with a Christian publication! Good luck! As Christian men surviving childhood sexual abuse there are belief barriers and stereotypes that are faced in the healing process, Christian beliefs about masculinity and gender. Men who come forward acknowledging such hurt and pain are often harassed into silence.

We hear statements like,
"Just get over it! It happened years ago when you were a boy, you're a man now." If the perpetrator was female, then people wonder what's wrong with the guy. It should be a badge or rite of passage in the view of some. Our askew masculinity beliefs are entrenched in the subconscious of society and ourselves. From early childhood we are taught the marks of masculinity. Men: 
  • Don't cry
  • They are always tough and strong
  • In control
  • Not emotional, but logical
  • Are aggressive
  • Not passive
  • Not sissies
  • Are not victims
Yes, men are not allowed to be victims. The National Institute for Justice estimates that close to a million men a year are victims of domestic violence, battered men. In many cases where police are called to the scene for domestic abuse against men, the charges are often dropped. Why? Men are not allowed to be victims. It is an embarrassment and mockery of masculinity for the guy. How could a woman beat up a guy? Unfortunately the unspoken cultural rule that men are not victims mentally castrates male survivors of sexual abuse by creating internal turmoil and conflict, and in the Christian community the problem is often exacerbated. Unfortunately, this pushes men deeper into isolation, hurt and danger because they deny the need for help.

Perhaps as you read this it's all becoming true for you. You are a Christian man who has lived with the secret and vulnerability of being sexually abused, but as a guy you have ignored and tucked away in the deep trenches of your heart this vulnerability. It's scary! Trust me I understand. Just committing this to pen and paper for others to read is scary. However no matter how much you attempt to ignore the matter buried within the recesses of your heart, it affects your every day life, your relationship with God, your wife, kids, family members, church family, employer and self.

Would I be correct in stating that you would give anything to lose this ball and chain, the weight that so easily burdens you, to stop pretending and hiding? There is hope and help. It will require Jesus' love, God's word, a support group, a godly attitude, and the resolve to be vulnerable and broken so you can be healed. I've encountered guys who are afraid to start the process or once they begin rebury the pain because they are embarrassed by the floods of emotions. Whether it's sexual abuse or just childhood deficiencies of being loved, having a good father or mother, emotional abandonment, alcoholic parents, divorced parents, we all have hurts and pains that need to be healed. I need to share with you that healing doesn't mean drudging up everything from the past, but dealing with those portions that are affecting your life. That's the need to heal, those portions that need healing.

Practically each time this presentation is given a Christian man approaches me saying "I always thought I was alone. It's great to meet another Christian guy who knows exactly what I'm dealing with and can share in the struggles." Maybe one day as Christians we will truly acknowledge that God's grace and word covers every topic and hurt, even difficult ones we chose to deny and overlook.  Until then, I'll keep fighting the good fight and conducting workshops through Healing Broken Men and help those who want to find freedom in Christ.

Article Source: Christian Men Are Not Victims of Sexual Abuse


  1. Sexual abuse isn't just an isolated incident for women, even men can be a victim, and honestly, it hurts them more because of the thought of not being able to defend themselves. But the side effect is that they become the monster that haunts them from the time that it happened. I wish we can be more open-minded about this sensitive issue.


  2. Vesta, I agree it is harder for men because of the macho/tough image our culture has built. Until people open up more, sexual abuse will always have the upper hand.